One of the most liberating and yet daunting things about Christianity is realising that life is not about what you can get out of it, nor about what you put into it. In fact, it’s not about us at all, it’s about knowing God.

Not good enough

As a child I was brought to church by my parents on a weekly basis and I was more than happy to attend until I reached my teens. Thankfully during my teens I had friends in the church who I loved to socialise with. This was probably the main reason that I continued to attend throughout my teens.

My approach to Christianity was somewhat legalistic. I was obsessed with trying to be good enough. I was rigorously strict with myself, partially to stay on the good side of my parents but just as much to be right with God.

It is a challenge that, I now realise, we are powerless to succeed in by ourselves. Despite trying my hardest to be “good” I failed. I won’t go into any details since they are irrelevant now but suffice to say, I was not good enough.

Why me?

A few years ago my Dad started having back problems and after having missed ½ a year’s work and having tried all sorts of treatments he went into hospital to have a slipped disk in his back fixed. His father, my granddad, had died the previous week and it was on the evening after the funeral that he went in to hospital. I had the opportunity to visit him that night … an opportunity I wish I had now taken.

At the time I was working full time in an office in town and that day I had met with friends to play pool. After a fun evening I hopped on the bus and rode home. On the way home I had an odd feeling. Something was wrong, though I didn’t know what. When I arrived home I saw extra cars on the driveway and when I entered I was surprised to see my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. They broke the news: “Your dad died” but it didn’t sink in right away… no, I had to sit down and have it repeated a few times before that happened.

What followed was a mixture of anger and bewilderment. I remember strolling back and forth in the garden asking God, “Why me, Why me?”

But I already knew that he was okay. Having been a devout Christian since his conversion in his late teens I knew where he was and I knew that he wouldn’t want to come back even if he could.

Going public…

Shortly after my Dad died I started a course at the University Of Glamorgan studying Biology, a subject I had enjoyed at A Level. However, after the first term I was feeling lonely and was not enjoying the course. It was during the Christmas break when I came to a few major decisions. I was dropping out of university and getting baptised.

I believe I was right to do both of these things. Biology was something that I was passionate about. My Mum and sister needed someone else around the house (I believe) and it was providential timing that I did so. My baptism was, I think, in part to make up for the fact that I had not done so when my Dad was alive. My fledgling faith had at last, gone public.

http://www...

During all this time I had been running a personal website and was becoming increasingly interested in web design. Over the years I had produced ever increasingly complex websites, both for myself and for my church.

After a few years of working, and realising once and for all that I didn’t enjoy mindless administrative tasks I left my job and enrolled at Glamorgan for a second time. This time, I was sure that God was leading me there to study Internet Computing. The decision had been last minute and everything had fallen into place. When I arrived I was determined to join the CU and I’m very glad I did.

It wasn’t long until I was asked to do the CU website and I had made many new friends, both Christian and non-Christian. Throughout my time there I felt God changing me, maturing me and teaching me, sometimes hard, lessons. After 3 years I graduated with a 2:1 this summer. Without God this wouldn’t have been possible.

A flower analogy

So what’s my point? Out of tragedy comes success? No.
Faith grows over time? No.

This story may look at first glance to be about me, but it’s no more about me than a film is about a camera. Through my, as yet, short life God has guided me to church, kept me there while he planted a seed; protected me through the hard times; given me food and water so I could grow; and given me flowers that may one day become fruit. God was always there.

It’s not about pointless legalism; it’s about a very real and loving God who wants to know you. Only God can bring about these kinds of changes in you and only when you let him can he.

<< back